Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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