$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
