the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
