dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
