I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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