plz talk dirty to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
