It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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