i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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