I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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