I faked an abortion last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
