wanna go halves on a baby?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
