she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
