Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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