She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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