at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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