im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
