we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
