Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
