Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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