Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
