Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
