i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
