Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
