This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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