U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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