finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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