My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
