fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the raccoons are back...
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