Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
