She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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