I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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