I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
