this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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