I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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