Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
