I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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