God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
