I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
