you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
