Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
