So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
