He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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