my vag is so smooth its legendary
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
