I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
