sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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