This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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