i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
