Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
