so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
