the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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