God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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