i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
