you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
