I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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