i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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