Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
