Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
