Can i not drive my cunt home
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
