just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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