toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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