New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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